


Safety Regulations

by Dunloth



Category: Naruto
Genre: Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Hokage Hatake Kakashi, KakaIruExchange2019, Light Angst, M/M, Romance, casual alcohol drinking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-30
Updated: 2019-06-30
Packaged: 2020-05-28 05:51:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,765
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19387813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dunloth/pseuds/Dunloth
Summary: They say it's not a good idea to get involved with an ANBU. They even have regulations for that!They also say it's not a good idea to get involved with Hatake Kakashi.Iruka should know better.





	1. I’m tired of hiding

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aviss](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aviss/gifts).



> For Aviss, I hope you like it!  
> Thanks to the wonderful Tmo for being my beta reader.  
> Written for the KakaIru Exchange 2019.  
> Prompts in the end notes, in case you don't want spoilers for the story.

Iruka sees movement out of the corner of his eye. The ghost of a white mask with a hint of red. What’s an ANBU doing on a tree in the shinobi academy’s yard? Because it can only be an ANBU. And they’re not very skilled if a chuunin like Iruka is able to spot them.

‘They must want me to see them’, Iruka thinks. Funny.

Iruka pretends he didn’t notice. But he’s alert. It wouldn’t be the first time an ANBU breaks down and harms some innocent bystanders. Iruka is not going to gamble with his students’ safety. So, he puts himself between the intruder and the kids and claps his hands to get their attention.

“Okay, time’s up. Let’s all go back to the classroom. Kenji, don’t run. That’s it. Please leave all the kunai in the box before getting inside. Keiko, easy, don’t push your sister.”

Iruka gathers the children into the classroom, where they’re safer, and keeps an eye on the yard outside the window while he goes on with his lesson.

After classes are over and children have left safely with their parents, Iruka gets back to the tree where he saw something and finds nothing there. But when he looks around further, he finds a human shaped lump in an ANBU uniform passed out in the thorny bush behind the tree, snoring softly. He must have fallen asleep after an exhausting mission. That can’t be comfortable.

Iruka sighs. He knows this specific ANBU. He’s often around when Iruka visits Sandaime. “Aren’t there better places to collapse, Hound-san?”

The ANBU gives an abrupt start and tries to get up, but he entangles himself more with the bramble vines.

“Wait, you’ll rip yourself apart!” Iruka hurries to help the ANBU remove himself from the hurtful vines.

But before he can touch him, Hound jerks away and tears himself from the bush, ignoring the thorns that paint angry red scratches in the exposed flesh of his arms. Iruka winces in sympathy, showing in his face the pain that the ANBU hides.

Hound leaves in silence, like he never was there. But he leaves behind a few drops of his blood splattered in the bushes. Too messy for an ANBU. Iruka doesn’t know what to think. He frowns while going back inside.

⁂

The next time Iruka meets Hound, he finds him perched on the roof of a building. Iruka is enjoying some fresh air on the rooftop of his block. It’s summer and the sun has just gone down after a scorching day. The sky shows a gradient of beautiful colors and some stars start to twinkle. Iruka leans on the railing to catch a bit of the breeze and enjoy the view before closing his day. 

And he sees Hound watching him openly from the next building roof, crouched on a post. He’s not even trying to hide.

Iruka is shocked. Pleasantly shocked. He feels strangely at ease when Hound is around, and he shouldn’t. Anko and Mizuki would probably be horrified if they knew. Normal people are supposed to avoid interaction with ANBU. You can get in serious trouble just for seeing them. They are dangerous, unsafe, inhuman. They are soulless killers. You’re taught to look the other way if you come across one of them.

But Hound is there, watching him. Or at least Iruka thinks he is. He can’t really see his eyes, but he can _feel_ his gaze. It makes his skin tingle.

Iruka doesn’t think Hound is soulless. There are stories about him saving civilians, doing heroic deeds. There’s an air around Hound that feels… Well, he can’t put it in words. Apart from the obvious fascination that ANBU exert on lower rank shinobi, Iruka can feel something else here. It’s like Hound is _safe_. Funny, to feel so relaxed around a black-ops assassin. But it’s something in his presence, in his body language when he is near Iruka.

Something in Hound makes Iruka want to get closer and see what’s underneath that mask.

Curiosity has always been Iruka’s downfall. That, and his tendency to reach out to strays and outcasts. Perhaps it’s because of his time in the orphanage, when everyone was supposed to mind their own business. Something that Iruka always found almost impossible to do. He was unable to ignore the people around. To not care for them.

Whatever. It’s probably a very, very bad decision, but Iruka is feeling bold today. He smiles, raises his hand and waves at Hound.

Hound visibly stiffens. After a second, he just poofs away in a cloud of smoke.

Iruka lowers his hand, feeling silly. Well, he had to try.

He turns around to go back inside and almost bumps into a person standing behind him. 

“Fuck!” Iruka blurts out. He stops himself by pushing on a chest covered by a battered ANBU chest plate, and stares into Hound’s porcelain mask four inches away from his face. Hound grabs his arms to stabilize him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Hound says. It’s the first time Iruka hears his voice. It’s a nice voice. Deep and velvety. It makes Iruka’s insides tingly.

“Uh,” is all Iruka can say.

Hound lets him go and moves back a couple steps to give him some space. He waits for Iruka to say something more articulate. When it’s clear he won’t, Hound speaks again.

“I owe you an explanation. You’ve probably noticed me around lately.”

Iruka nods, still shocked.

“Can we go somewhere more private? 

⁂

The last thing Iruka expected today was being host to the infamous ANBU Hound. 

“Sorry for the mess, I haven’t spent a lot of time cleaning lately.”

“It’s okay.”

The living room is a bit messy, but it could be worse. Iruka piles some scrolls and homework papers into a corner of the room and makes space on the low table to serve some tea.

When tea and snacks are ready, they both sit by the table, sharing a tense silence. The scene is weird, a domestic setting with an ANBU in full gear kneeling in this living room.

“Mind starting with that explanation?” Iruka says, a bit unsteady. You don’t usually demand things from higher rank shinobi.

Hound fidgets with a rice cracker.

“I’m not supposed to share any details about my missions, but there is some information I think you need to know.”

“Why didn’t you just come talk to me?”

A totally valid question that Hound doesn’t know how to answer. Why didn’t he? Well, perhaps it has to do with the fact that he has a bit of a crush on Iruka and he enjoys looking at him from afar. And he doesn’t know how to approach him in a casual way.

“I didn’t want to upset you,” he half-lies.

“Well, we are talking now. Please tell me.” Iruka is wary of whatever Hound will tell him. ANBU matters are usually serious things. He doesn’t expect good news. 

Hound tells him. It turns out a recent mission of his was to capture some missing nin that tried to get away by impersonating a Konoha genin team and their jounin-sensei. Two of the genin were Iruka’s former students who graduated the year before. Luckily, it all ended well, but the kids were injured and are currently in the hospital. 

“I thought you would want to know. Everything is classified by now, but those kids are orphans. They could do with some support from someone who cares.”

Iruka digests the information while he sips his tea. 

“It’s very thoughtful of you to tell me, Hound-san. Thank you very much.”

“Don’t mention it, Iruka-sensei.”

There is not much conversation after that. Hound somehow manages to drink his tea and eat a couple crackers without apparently removing his mask at all. Iruka finds it fascinating.

Hound stands and goes to the window. “That was all, Iruka-sensei. Thanks for listening.”

“You are welcome anytime. If I can help you somehow, please let me know,” Iruka says, and it’s an honest offer. He is really grateful to Hound for going out of his way to let him know about the kids.

Hound leaves through the window, in true ANBU mode. Iruka chuckles. He can’t help but think Hound is showing off a little.

Iruka gets his vest and leaves towards the hospital. He hopes the night nurses will let him see his former students to try to cheer them up a little even if it’s past visiting hours.

⁂

After that, Iruka keeps seeing Hound around. It’s not very often, but it’s often enough that it can’t be coincidence. 

When Iruka is relaxing by the river one day, Hound stops by after some mission. He greets him from the shadows under the bridge and they talk for a while. 

Another day, Hound finds him in his empty classroom and gives him a small package of tea from a famous shop in Tea country.

“I thought you would like it,” he says, and Iruka thanks him and feels self-conscious. 

There are several more of these short encounters. Iruka doesn’t know what to think. Why is Hound interested in him? Perhaps he is just bored or needs some interaction with someone out of ANBU. He really can’t figure it out. But he likes it.

⁂

Hound knocks at Iruka’s living room window one night. He looks tense. Iruka gets up from the coach where he was enjoying some free time with a good book and lets Hound in.

“Hound, is something wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yes, everything okay. I’m just back from a mission and wanted to see you for a while.”

Iruka is surprised. Hound doesn’t usually share too much about his motivations or feelings.

“Okay, let me make some tea. Make yourself comfortable.”

Iruka goes to the kitchen to prepare the tea. Hound follows.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit off,” Iruka says, stealing a glance at Hound.

Hound rubs his arm. There is a bandage there.

“Oh, you’re wounded!” Iruka lets the kettle go and heads for Hound, worried. Hound raises his hands and steps back to avoid Iruka touching him.

“It’s nothing, Iruka, really. Please go on with the tea.”

Iruka is confused but does as Hound says. 

The tea is ready, they go back to the living room and sit on the couch. Iruka still feels something is off. He waits until Hound finally speaks.

“Iruka, I’ve thought a lot about it, and I would like you to know my identity.”

“What?” Iruka wasn’t expecting something like that.

“I like spending time with you, I’m tired of hiding. I’d like to hang out like normal people. Also, I think this is not fair to you. I feel like I’m deceiving you. Wouldn’t you like to know who I am?” Hound sounds strangely hopeful. Almost vulnerable.

Iruka gives Hound a bright smile. “Of course, I would.” 

He is also tired of all that secretiveness and wants to know more about Hound. He wants to know everything.

“But I always thought it was forbidden for ANBU to reveal their identities to anyone out of the corps.”

“It’s not forbidden. It’s just not encouraged but discretion is important. I am forced to explicitly ask you: Iruka, if I reveal my identity to you, will you keep it secret and not tell anyone, under any circumstances?”

“Yes. I promise.” Iruka is solemn. He feels the importance and the weight of the trust that is about to be placed on him.

Hound nods. “Well then. Would you remove my mask?”

He sounds light, almost amused. It doesn’t feel like the decisive moment that it really is.

Iruka’s heart is beating fast. He reaches for the mask, unties the red string infused with chakra that keeps the piece of porcelain in place, takes a deep breath, and slowly removes it to expose the face underneath.

And he can’t help the laugh that escapes him. Underneath the mask there is another mask, this one made of dark elastic fabric and covering the lower part of Hound’s face.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” he blurts, amused. 

“Hello,” Hound says, with a cheeky eye smile.

Well, not Hound anymore.

“Hatake Kakashi.” Iruka looks at his masked face with a delighted expression.

“Yep. Disappointed?”

“Never” Iruka surprises him with an impulsive hug.

Kakashi returns the hug, feeling his nervousness go down.

“I’m relieved it didn’t go wrong.”

“Wrong? What do you mean?”

“Well, I didn’t know how you would react. It’s not that I have a good reputation exactly. I thought perhaps you might stop wanting to have anything to do with me when you knew who I was.”

Iruka frowns at him.

“I _know_ who you are. Your name doesn’t matter to me.”

Iruka’s words sink into Kakashi’s soul like a soothing balm. He is so sincere, so totally meaning exactly what he says, like he can’t even imagine a different reaction. It means a lot to Kakashi. In that moment, he realizes this is exactly why he loves Iruka.

Because yes, he is in love with Iruka. Now, he knows. Well, he really knew before, on some level. He’d been attracted to other people in the past, not very often, but often enough to know the feeling. But with Iruka it’s different. He wants to be near him, to know everything about him. To hear his voice, talk to him. It’s like an addiction. He is intoxicated with thoughts of Iruka.

This must be what normal people call ‘being in love’.

He doesn’t know what he’ll do. ANBU and being in love are not really two compatible things.

Kakashi is in trouble. Big trouble.


	2. Close your eyes

Now that Kakashi can interact with Iruka as himself, their meetings become a recurrent thing. They meet for long conversations and walks around Konoha. Sometimes they eat together. They share some quality time when they are free of their demanding work schedules. 

Iruka still doesn’t know if there’s something romantic behind all this. If there’s something physical. He doesn’t even know if Kakashi is attracted to men. Kakashi is so detached sometimes, so difficult to read. But sometimes Iruka catches an intense look in his eye that’s not the way a friend looks at another friend. Could it be that Kakashi wants him? He needs to know.

Because Iruka wants Kakashi. He really does. Kakashi is the main protagonist of his sex fantasies, but there are also feelings involved. Iruka went past the initial crush on the mysterious, big, bad ANBU and started falling for him the moment he started getting to know the real Kakashi. He is aloof and cold, keeps an emotionless front, but he is also kind and funny when he feels at ease. His mind is razor sharp and his sense of humor connects with Iruka’s. Their conversations are lively. 

And the most important thing for Iruka: his heart seems to be in the right place. He doesn’t talk like a remorseless killer. For someone doing the job Kakashi does, it would be really easy to stop caring about people’s suffering, to lose humanity. But if Iruka’s impressions are right, Kakashi seems to be a good person underneath. 

⁂

Alone in his bed, Kakashi thinks of Iruka one night so much that sleep eludes him. 

He doesn’t know what to do.

What would Iruka do if he knew how bad Kakashi feels for him? Would he be creeped out? Kakashi doesn’t think so, he suspects Iruka has at least some feelings for him. He is quite more open about his emotions than Kakashi. 

But Kakashi’s feelings have gone deeper than he expected and his real concern is about another more demanding issue: ANBU’s regulations about relationships.

There is no place in an ANBU’s life for a bond stronger than the one to their duty. If this relationship gets too serious, Kakashi will be forced to end it. It’s not the first time the commander has ordered it. It will not be the last. Sentimental relationships are tolerated as a way to vent and keep operatives from going insane, but only if they don’t get too deep. Falling in love is out of the question. Every ANBU is warned about the consequences.

ANBU shinobi live to serve Konoha. Anything else is disposable. 

Kakashi scrubs his face, frustrated. There’s no way he’ll sleep tonight. He gets out of the bed and goes to the window to get some fresh air. 

So, the big decision can’t be postponed any longer. Option one is stopping things now before hurting Iruka. This will anyway hurt Kakashi, nothing can be done about that anymore. He is too deep in. 

At least there hasn’t been any physical intimacy. Kakashi feels relieved about that, but at the same time it hurts to think that he might never know how it feels to be with Iruka. To kiss him, touch him, be touched by him, knowing his body. 

No, option one doesn’t seem appealing at all. Kakashi feels like dying a little inside, picturing a life like that. A life without Iruka. His chest aches with the thought.

Option two is taking the plunge. That is, if Iruka would have him. And somehow keeping their affair out of the command’s radar. With the very probable outcome of getting caught and being forced to end it in a drastic way. And hurting Iruka. 

And there might be a third option, so unrealistic that Kakashi doesn’t even consider it. Leaving ANBU. 

Kakashi only knows of one acceptable way of leaving ANBU. He hopes he will avoid it for as long as possible.

Well. Kakashi can’t deny reality. Option one is no longer viable, hasn’t been for some time. He can’t go back now. He loves Iruka, and he wants to be with him. Come what may, he is going to try. 

Option two, it is. With all its consequences.

Kakashi feels some closure with this decision. He finally falls asleep.

He dreams of Iruka kissing him while he is laying on his bed, paralyzed. He desperately wants to touch Iruka but he can’t move. He wakes up aroused and unsettled.

⁂

“Kakashi, are we dating?” Iruka finally asks one day, out of the blue, during a walk through the big park behind the river. His voice is amused but the question is not casual.

This is not a conversation Kakashi is looking forward to having. He knew it was coming for some time. He hoped to delay it as much as possible.

“Do you think we are?”

“Don’t deflect. Answer the question.” Iruka chuckles. He’s used to Kakashi’s slippery conversation techniques by now.

Kakashi stops and looks Iruka in the eye.

“I think we are. I would like us to be. Would you, too?”

“I would also like that.” Iruka looks at him, thoughtful. “But I don’t know what’s in your head. What do you expect from this, Kakashi? From me?”

Kakashi is uneasy that he has to talk about these matters out loud. “Don’t ask me that, Iruka. I don’t really know.”

“Please, think about it. I need to know what to expect. What I’m getting into.”

Kakashi nods. They go back to lighter matters for the rest of their walk.

  
  
⁂

When the time to say goodbye comes, Iruka surprises Kakashi by grabbing his hand and pulling him around the corner of one of the alleys nearby, hidden from the sight of people passing by. He leans on the brick wall and grabs the scroll pockets on Kakashi’s vest to pull him closer, making him lose his balance. Kakashi falls forward and bumps into Iruka, stopping himself from crushing him by placing his hands on both sides of Iruka’s head on the wall.

Their faces are close, closer than ever. Iruka smiles and closes the remaining distance to kiss Kakashi, mask and all.

“Your mask is so inconvenient,” Iruka hums when the kiss ends.

Kakashi’s pulse is racing. “Close your eyes,” he says, a bit breathless, and Iruka gladly complies. Kakashi pulls the offending mask out of the way and kisses Iruka, this time for good.

When they part, they both are dazed. Iruka opens his eyes after a couple seconds when he feels Kakashi moving to put his mask again in place.

“That was much better,” Iruka says with a fond smile.

“Yes, it was.” Kakashi caresses Iruka’s face. They are still pressed against each other, like they wouldn’t want to part ever.

“Now, at least, I know you’re interested in me. I wasn’t really sure, you know? For a moment, I thought you’d obliterate me with some ANBU-level jutsu.”

“I’m interested. I’ve been interested for a long time. It’s just, I’m not very good with… Being close to people.”

Kakashi steps back and sighs.

“There’s something important you have to know.”

“You’re scaring me, Kakashi. What is it?”

Kakashi puts his arms around Iruka and makes the signs for a transportation jutsu. There is a soft poof of smoke and the world around them disappears. 

When the smoke clears, they’re on the stone stairs of a secluded temple on top of the Hokage monument mountain, under the old red wooden gate arch surrounded by lush vegetation and the sounds of the forest. The view of Konoha from up there is amazing, but Iruka is too uneasy to appreciate it.

Kakashi takes Iruka’s hands. He seems like he’s about to say something painful.

“Before we start anything together, I want to warn you about something. ANBU doesn’t allow its members to get too involved in sentimental relationships. We are not allowed to marry or have children. The command has the right to demand us to break a relationship if they think we are too involved.”

Iruka is stunned. “How can they ask that of you? What about your rights?”

“We live to serve Konoha. We give up a part of our humanity. This is our duty, and we take it on our own free will when we sign up.”

Iruka doesn’t reply. His dislike is very evident. Kakashi feels his anxiety spiking.

"It’s not so different from giving up our lives on a mission.”

“Do you accept it, Kakashi? Are you asking me to accept it too?” Iruka’s voice is bitter.

“I have accepted it long ago. But I don’t want to push you into anything blindly. You have the right to know. And decide accordingly.”

Iruka pulls his hands away from Kakashi’s. His expression is hurt. 

“I need to think about this.”

He turns away and leaves. Kakashi remains in the stairs of the temple until sunset. 

‘What have I done?’ he thinks. 

⁂

It’s been more than a week since they parted ways in such a sour way. Kakashi is starting to think that he has lost Iruka for good. That their first real date will end up being also their last. But he doesn’t want to push Iruka. He’ll wait until Iruka makes up his mind.

Kakashi can only hope Iruka won’t crush him by rejecting him now. All he can think about lately is Iruka in his arms, kissing him in the alley.

One early morning when he gets home after a short mission, he finds on his genkan floor a paper someone slipped under the door. It’s signed by Iruka. There’s only one sentence:

“ _Please meet me at the old temple at 19:00 on Thursday.”_

Finally. That’s today. Kakashi needs to sleep and not be late for once in his life. He’s anxious but he manages to sleep some of his exhaustion away before preparing for their meeting.

⁂

When Kakashi arrives at the temple, Iruka is already there, looking at the buildings of Konoha far below them, with his back turned to Kakashi. He doesn’t move when he feels Kakashi’s presence.

“From up here everything seems so small, so insignificant. All the people down below with their lives, their concerns. It’s like they’re not real.”

“It’s all a matter of perspective, I guess.” Kakashi didn’t expect Iruka to talk about a neutral subject and he feels relieved. But he’s afraid of what will come next. Of listening to Iruka breaking his heart.

The moment is coming. Iruka turns to him. His face is serious.

“It’s hard for me to accept that in your list of priorities, between me and ANBU, ANBU will always come first, no matter how close we may get in the future. It hurts. It makes me angry.”

Kakashi forces his muscles to stay relaxed.

“But I’m a shinobi of Konoha too. I understand loyalty and devoting your life to protect Konoha. I can deal with it. It doesn’t mean I like it.”

Is that Iruka accepting him into his life? Accepting the part of him that he can offer, the one that does not belong to ANBU?

Iruka walks closer to him and pulls him into a heartfelt embrace. Kakashi hides his face in Iruka’s neck, immensely relieved. Iruka sinks a hand in his hair, caressing it.

“I can’t start to imagine how hard it must be for ANBU. The things you see and do in your missions. And you can’t get close to anyone. How do you do it, Kakashi? How do you keep the darkness away? How do you keep your sanity?”

“I don’t really know. I guess the ones that don’t find a way somehow don’t survive too long. The problem fixes itself. Or perhaps we’ve all basically gone mad.”

“You don’t get a lot of help, do you?”

Kakashi doesn’t answer.

Iruka is angry on behalf of Kakashi and so many other exceptional shinobi, sacrificed to keep Konoha going on. So young and talented and so callously abused. It brings tears of frustration to his eyes.

Kakashi moves apart enough to look into Iruka’s eyes, purposeful.

“Now that you know what you’re getting into, this is my final warning. Do you still want to be with me?”

“There’s no way I can leave you alone now, Kakashi. You’ve gotten under my skin.”

Iruka grazes Kakashi’s masked mouth with his fingertips, closes his eyes and waits for Kakashi to remove his mask and kiss him. It feels like they’re sealing a contract. 

“We’ll have to keep it private,” Kakashi says between kisses.

“I’ll take whatever you can give me. As long as we can be together.” 

“And, well, you know, the death rate in ANBU is high. I might not come back from one of my missions. I’ve surpassed the survival rate by several years already.”

“Are you trying to make me run away? Because you’re starting to sound like that.” Iruka sounds amused rather than annoyed. “Stop it, Kakashi. I’ve made up my mind. I know it will be complicated, but I want to try.” 

Kakashi is so relieved he wants to shout. Iruka will stay! He feels something dangerously close to happiness. It probably won’t last but for once, life seems to be kind to him. He will not miss the opportunity.

Later that evening, they go back to their separate lives with kiss-swollen lips and a tentative hope in the future to warm them while they are apart. They’ll have enough time to be together in the days to come.

⁂

From that day on, they don’t meet in public so often. They have to be careful lest Kakashi’s superiors find out about their relationship. They meet mostly in each other’s homes. Which gives them a lot of privacy and chances to get more intimate.

It’s not too long before the day when things get too heated on Iruka’s couch and they move to his bed. They’re still learning each other’s bodies, so they get along with just their hands and mouths.

“Have you been with anyone before?” Iruka wanted to ask for a long time and he finally feels bold enough, now that they are laying in his bed, sated and unwilling to move. 

Kakashi’s not a virgin, but he doesn’t have much experience. He has had a few sessions of hurried, impersonal post-mission sex with ANBU colleagues, some men, some women. He never connected with them. He just surrendered to the need of feeling alive, feeling something other than dead inside after gruesome missions. He found it satisfying at the physical level, but it always left a hollow aftertaste. 

He imagined being with Iruka would be totally different. His expectations were right.

“I have. But it was nothing like this.”

“I haven’t. Well, nothing more than touching. And once, well, I got a blowjob.” Iruka has gone completely red at this point. Kakashi feels a wave of tenderness. 

“Maa, sensei, do you feel the need to confess your dirty deeds to me? I’m not judging you, you know?”

“Don’t laugh at me. I just… Damn. I’m sorry I don’t have more experience." Iruka is hiding his face in the pillow.

Kakashi laughs and uncovers Iruka’s face to kiss him. Iruka pushes him away without much conviction. He is so embarrassed he’d like to disappear.

“I can’t understand how you managed to stay a virgin at your ripe old age of twenty, my sweet, hot, sexy Iruka. People around you must have been either blind or incredibly stupid. Too bad for them. Now, I have you all to myself.”

“Stop it, Kakashi. It’s embarrassing enough without you making fun of me.”

Kakashi doesn’t stop until he makes Iruka laugh with him.

⁂

Not many days later, they make love for the first time. It’s far from perfect. It hurts more that they expected, but they feel closer than ever and the intensity of their feelings makes it up for the discomfort and awkwardness of it all.

“I didn’t think it would be like this. It was… I don’t know.”

“But did you like it?”

“Yes. But I’m sure it can get so much better.”

“I’m not against some serious practice.” Kakashi smirks and pins Iruka to the bed, kissing and teasing him, making him squirm under his weight. “Consider it training. I can prepare a strict training plan.”

Iruka turns them around and hits Kakashi with the pillow.


	3. Stay the night

If only they could have more time together. Kakashi’s missions take him away quite often and he always comes back damaged to some extent. If he’s not physically injured, he’s always distraught and tense. He usually doesn’t allow Iruka to get close, he avoids being touched, and he’s distant and closed into himself. Iruka is patient in those days. He just stays around and tries to help without intruding.

He still hasn't let Iruka see his face, apart from some accidental glimpses during sex. Iruka is patient with this too. He hopes Kakashi will eventually trust him enough to remove his mask.

Even in the good days between missions, Kakashi is distant and needs a big amount of space and time away from Iruka. 

“Stay the night,” Iruka asks him every now and then, hoping this time Kakashi will agree. But he always refuses and goes back to his room in ANBU quarters. And Iruka can’t help feeling a little left behind.

⁂

It’s the hour of the Wolf, the night is quiet and peaceful in Konoha. Iruka is deeply asleep.

A tap on his bedroom window awakens him. There’s someone out there wanting to enter.

Iruka runs to open the window, instantly alert. ANBU uniform painted with dark stains. Hound mask hanging at the side. White hair moving in the breeze. Face almost hidden under the perpetual dark mask and the hitae-ate covering the sharingan eye. Kakashi looks mostly okay, Iruka’s chest unclenches. But he also looks wobbly and exhausted.

Iruka moves to let Kakashi through the window. He gracelessly falls on the floor, making a mess of the tatami. Iruka crouches with him, alarmed.

“Kakashi! Are you injured?”

Kakashi shakes his head weakly. “Nothing serious. Tired. Soldier pills just wore off.”

His voice is ragged, his eye half closed. He reaches a hand to keep Iruka away when he tries to hold him. Iruka deduces he is still on edge, too wired to allow someone touching him.

Iruka leans back, worried, inspecting Kakashi’s body with his gaze in search of injuries. He seems to be telling the truth, looks like the blood is not his own. Mostly.

“How can I help you?”

“I need sleep. Here, safe.”

Iruka nods in the semi-darkness of the room. He doesn’t try to touch Kakashi again.

“Whatever you need. Let me get you something to clean up.” 

Kakashi nods. Iruka gets up with slow, non-threatening movements and goes to the bathroom.

Kakashi stays there on the floor, listening to the sounds of Iruka rummaging in the bathroom cabinets, of running water. He feels a bit disoriented, but at ease for the first time in days he feels _home_. 

Before his strength leaves him for good, he forces himself to remove his weapons, his chest plate, his elbow-long gloves, and the rest of his gear. Iruka comes back from the bathroom with his arms full with a towel, a washbowl with water and some other things like soap and washcloths. He places everything by Kakashi’s side.

“Let me know if you need anything else. I’ll get you some clean clothes.” He moves away again, to give Kakashi some privacy.

“Please, stay,” Kakashi whispers. 

Iruka comes back with the clothes and kneels by him.

“Do you want me to help you clean up?”

“No. Just stay in the room.”

Iruka looks at Kakashi while he removes his remaining clothes and washes away the dirt and blood from his mission, with slow movements, laboriously. Iruka feels like he’s intruding. He places his hands in his lap, feeling useless, holding back the impulse of helping Kakashi, touching him, comforting him.

Kakashi finishes washing, dries himself up and gets dressed, painfully slow. He feels it’s okay to be touched now. He reaches out and takes Iruka’s wrist. 

“Can I sleep in your bed? Would you hold me while I sleep?” Kakashi sounds exhausted, about to pass out.

“Yes.” They move to the bed. Iruka helps Kakashi when he stumbles and almost falls. They huddle up under the blankets, Iruka spooning Kakashi, his arm around him. Not too tight, Iruka thinks Kakashi wouldn’t like that.

Iruka feels touched. Kakashi never before wanted to stay the night. He knows this is just mission aftercare and Kakashi probably won’t allow him this again when he’s back to his usual aloof state. But it’s nice to have Kakashi sleeping in his arms and maskless for once. Tonight is not about Iruka, it’s about what Kakashi needs to come back from ANBU hell.

Iruka sighs. But what about what he needs? How long will he be able to go on like this?

⁂

A movement awakens Iruka. Kakashi is getting out of bed. 

There is someone outside the bedroom window. A porcelain mask with some markings resembling a cat.

Kakashi opens the window a sliver and talks with Cat. Iruka can’t hear their words, but they are hurried and tense. Cat goes away and Kakashi starts getting dressed hurriedly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Cat warned me that they saw me coming here. I have to go. The command will want to know details about you and our relationship. I’ll make up something to make it seem not too serious.”

“Oh.” Iruka is numb. So, this is finally happening. Will they be able to be together after this?

“It’s better if we don’t meet for some time.”

“Okay.” But it’s not okay. It’s far from being okay. Iruka fights his frustration until he can’t remain quiet. He gets up and goes to Kakashi, who is in the bathroom getting a quick wash before leaving.

“Damn, Kakashi. I told you that I could deal with your loyalty to ANBU. But what I can’t deal with is ANBU going as far as deciding who you can be with. If the commander orders you to never see me again, you would do it. Even if we’re not doing anything wrong, anything harmful for Konoha. It’s not fair. To me, but first of all to you. You already devoted your life to ANBU. Do they also need your soul?”

Kakashi looks tense and like he doesn't want to have this conversation at all. 

“It kills me too, Iruka. But things are like this. I can’t change the rules.”

Iruka’s next words are tentative, barely whispered. He’s been holding them back for quite some time. For too long.

“You could leave ANBU.” 

Kakashi looks at him like Iruka stabbed him with a kunai.

“Please don’t ask me that, Iruka. I can’t.”

“Yes. I know. Forgive me, Hound. I know I can’t ask this from you.” Iruka sounds defeated. He goes to the kitchen to prepare some coffee. It’s too early to get up, but there’s no way he can go back to sleep now.

Kakashi finishes getting ready to leave and goes to Iruka to give him a hug and a quick kiss goodbye. Iruka returns them half-heartedly.

“Don’t be mad at me, Iruka. We’ll make up for this.”

“Sure. Be safe, Kakashi.”

After Kakashi leaves, Iruka’s mood is as dark as the coffee he’s drinking. Iruka again wonders how long he’ll be able to go on like this.

⁂

A week later, all unassigned ANBU are gathered in the headquarters main meeting room. The room is a bit crammed with about thirty operatives in all forms and sizes. Some of them wear their masks, some don’t. Some are perched on elevated places. A couple of teams hang from the ceiling, to have a better view and probably to show off a bit. It’s a diverse and impressive gathering of Konoha’s elite shinobi. They make a fine group, the most skilled and dedicated men and women in the village. 

ANBU commander Nara Shikaku doesn’t look impressed by his small army. He’s distributing the new missions and he is not in a good mood. It’s clear he wants to finish this boring task as soon as possible. No one dares to interrupt him with questions. It’s the usual procedure.

Now, it’s Kakashi’s team’s turn.

“Team Ro, commanded by captain Hound: you are going to Snow country. Infiltration, undercover mission. This one will be long. Expected length: about three months. Debrief will be at 12:00.”

Kakashi’s face is blank while he takes the mission scroll from the commander’s assistant and goes back to his team, but the news has unsettled him. Three months. Three fucking months.

He doesn’t want to be away from Iruka for three months.

This seems to be his usual luck striking him again. He should be used to it by now. Every time things start going well for him, something happens. 

“Senpai, are you okay?” Tenzou is looking at him with his usual caring expression. The other members of his team are noticing something too. They know him too well.

“Why wouldn’t I be? We have work to do. Let’s meet in room three in five minutes and prepare for the debrief.” 

Kakashi goes away to breathe some fresh air before sinking into the hard work that is expecting him for the next hours. There is much to plan and decide. He’ll think about how to tell Iruka later.

⁂

“Three months?” Iruka sounds appalled. It’s the first time they meet after Kakashi had to leave him hurriedly.

“Yes. Sorry, Iruka. I don’t really have a say on this.”

“When are you leaving?”

“Tomorrow, at dawn.”

“I… Don’t know what to say.”

Kakashi is nervous. He is afraid of Iruka’s reaction. He tries to be light and cheery and gives Iruka a hopeful smile while teasing him a little. “Well, say goodbye, give me a nice kiss and wish me to be safe.” 

Iruka doesn’t return the smile. 

“Kakashi. I can’t do this any longer.”

Kakashi’s heart clenches. Iruka is breaking up with him. He’s seen it coming for some time now but it hurts worse than he expected.

“Wait, Iruka, I know this is sudden. I’ll make it up for this when I come back, just…”

“No. I’m sorry, Kakashi. I know you did your best. But this doesn’t work. The piece of you that ANBU allows me to have is not enough. I can’t live like this, hanging onto leftovers.”

Kakashi can’t look into Iruka’s eyes. He turns away from him, not knowing what to say, how to stop this from happening. Iruka follows him, takes his face in his hands, forces him to look at him. There are tears in Iruka’s eyes.

“There’s no place in your life for anything but ANBU. It’s eating your life, Kakashi. I’ve asked you before, and I will ask you again. Please, please, Kakashi, leave ANBU. I’m not asking only for me, but for you. Even if you don’t want to be with me, please, Kakashi, leave before it’s too late.” 

“I can’t.” Kakashi’s voice is a whisper. 

“But why? I don’t understand.” Iruka’s hands are now clutching Kakashi’s black shirt, closed into raged fists.

“It’s the only life I know. The only job I’m good at. I’m a killer, Iruka. I’m not meant to have a peaceful life among normal people. I forgot how to do that.” It’s hard for Kakashi to say those things out loud. But Iruka deserves the truth.

“You’re wrong, Kakashi. You’ve done more than enough! Let someone else take over. You’ve earned the right to get out of this hell and go back with the rest of us.”

“That’s a nice dream but it’s not for me. I’ll die in ANBU. I’ve come to terms with it.” Kakashi has abandoned all pretense. At this point, he only wants Iruka to let him go, so Kakashi can start trying to forget him.

“No, Kakashi. I can’t accept that.”

“It’s not your call to make. If you want to be with me, you are welcome. Otherwise don’t get in my way.”

Kakashi’s coldness falls over Iruka like a ton of stones. He removes his hands from him, astonished.

Kakashi gives him a last, cold stare and leaves silently.


	4. Your home hasn’t changed

Kakashi doesn’t have to go much out of his way to learn to live without Iruka again. It’s just going back to how things were before. ANBU life is demanding enough. 

That’s what he keeps repeating himself on the long nights in his empty quarter in the ANBU barracks. It’s what he tells himself when flash images of Iruka assault him in the least convenient moments, like when he is about to start a fight in one of his S-rank missions, or in the middle of an interrogation, or coming back home injured and trying not to die before getting back to the med-nins in Konoha. The perfect memory of his sharingan is a curse for these matters. He can’t delete anything. He resists the impulse of replaying his recorded moments of Iruka. Most of the time. 

But there are times when he gives up to his longing and gets lost into those relived moments. Even knowing how he will feel afterwards.

Those moments of weakness get less frequent as the years pass by.

⁂

Then one fine day, life changes radically for Kakashi. Sandaime removes him from ANBU and he has to rearrange his world to fit into his new status of non-ANBU standard jounin. 

After some time, he starts to think that perhaps leaving ANBU is not the end of the world and even might be good for him. One important reason for that is he realizes that now he can look for Iruka to continue from the point where they left it, with ANBU interference out of the equation.

He starts watching Iruka from afar. He seems to be quite content with his life. He’s been a respected teacher for some years and seems to have made space into his life for quite some people, including a special place for little Uzumaki Naruto.

Kakashi feels warm when he sees them interact. Of course, of all the people in the village it has to be Iruka the one to get concerned about Naruto’s unfair situation. He has a heart that is too big for his own good.

Iruka really seems to be happy with his life. Kakashi is not sure he will receive him well if he appears out of the blue to ask for a place there again.

Iruka seems happier now than when Kakashi was around.

Kakashi steps back into the shadows and lets Iruka be.

⁂

Iruka heals slowly with time after he and Kakashi part ways. He focuses on his work at the academy, drowns himself in mission room shifts and assorted support tasks to keep his head busy. Slowly, he starts seeing little good things in life again, until the colors come back to his everyday routine. He lets people into his barriers again: Izumo, Kotetsu, Mizuki, Anko, even Genma when he behaves. And the little jinchuuriki kid shunned by everyone. This one he starts considering family.

He only thinks of Kakashi when his mood is low. He tries not to let that happen too often.

⁂

Then things start to happen faster than before. Naruto steals the forbidden scroll, Mizuki betrays him and everything he holds dear, and almost kills him. And his precious Naruto ends up in a genin team with Kakashi as his jounin-sensei.

Suddenly Iruka’s past falls over him with a vengeance.

Kakashi has been out of ANBU for some time now, Iruka knows. Things like this don’t go unnoticed for much long in a ninja village. When Iruka heard it, he felt like regressing to his bad times. A tiny trickle of hope inside him was expecting Kakashi to come looking for him now that ANBU didn’t own him anymore. But as time passed by without Kakashi showing his face—well, figuratively—Iruka assumed Kakashi had moved past him.

He doesn’t want to think too much about what he would have said if Kakashi had tried to get back with him. Iruka is not the same person anymore.

So Iruka lets the past be buried where it belongs, interacts with Kakashi only when strictly necessary, and only very rarely indulges in thinking about how it could have been between he and Kakashi in a different world.

⁂

Years pass by, eventful and turbulent years with losses and Konoha’s survival at risk. The world faces another war that may end life as they all know it.

The joint shinobi forces are gathered under the imposing presence of their commanders. Iruka looks up at Kakashi, one of the generals far above them all. Iruka can’t help but think that’s what Kakashi was born for. His whole life has driven him to that moment, to be in the right place with the right skills to help them all in this difficult time.

Iruka feels immensely proud of him, but he feels sad that he had to pay his humanity in exchange. 

⁂

It’s the night before the allied shinobi forces leave Konoha to head for the front lines. There’s a knock on Iruka’s door and he senses a whiff of familiar chakra he didn’t expect to be near again.

“Kakashi-sama. It’s nice to see you. Please, come in.” And it really is, beyond the little sting Iruka always feels when they interact like they never were more than acquaintances.

“Please, drop the sama,” Kakashi says, self-conscious. He’s getting really used to saying those four words lately. He removes his sandals and carefully lines them up before walking into Iruka’s home for the first time in many years.

“Your home hasn’t changed.” The little lumpy hand-made trinkets gifted by Iruka’s students have advanced a couple generations. Some furniture items died from old age and overuse and were replaced by a little higher quality ones. But basically, Iruka’s home gives the same homely vibes that made Kakashi so awkward there at the beginning, until he got used to it to the point it became synonym of home.

Kakashi sighs. Better not going there.

Iruka laughs softly. “No, it hasn’t changed a lot, I’m afraid.”

They sip some tea. Conversation doesn’t come easy. They don’t want to break the surprisingly comforting atmosphere.

“It’s good having you here,” Iruka risks.

“I’m leaving tomorrow. I wanted to see you again before the end of the world,” Kakashi half-jokes.

Iruka nods. The war hangs heavy onto them. They don’t really want to talk about goodbyes and the very real possibility that this is the last time they’ll meet. 

So, they talk about Naruto’s amazing development, about Sakura and Tsunade, and other harmless subjects. They even talk a bit about Sasuke.

“I missed our conversations. I missed you.” Iruka lets this little confession leak out. 

“I did too.”

They both feel like they can talk freely. It’s not like it will have any consequences, given the current situation. Only the impending war matters. That’s bigger than their petty history together.

Iruka gets serious.

“Do you have hope in the future, Kakashi? Do you think we’ll get through this war?”

“I don’t know. What little we know from the enemy is disturbing. This seems different than anything we faced in the past. The shinobi alliance is new, too.”

Iruka knows Kakashi can’t disclose much. But he wanted to know his opinion. He trusts Kakashi to be true to him.

“I don’t know much about what is coming. It looks bigger than anything we faced before. But I have hope, Kakashi. Konoha has been in bad situations before. Every single time our people has endured and gone beyond the expected. And we have the best commanders we could hope for.” 

Iruka’s eyes are shining with pride, with affection. Kakashi feels touched for the first time in years.

“I’ll do my best. I’ll fight until my last drop of blood, Iruka. I promise.”

“I know. I have faith in you. And I know Naruto will be there too giving his all. Kakashi, please, take care of him. Don’t let him die.”

“I’ll be by his side, I’ll protect him with my life.” It’s all Kakashi can promise, Iruka knows. It’s enough.

Time’s up. Kakashi has to leave. They part with a bittersweet aftertaste, but both feel it’s been good closure for their history. A new future is coming, unstoppable, uncertain. It’s time to stop looking back for good.


	5. I don’t love you anymore

The war is over, the world is saved. There have been great losses, but all considered, Iruka thinks they’ve been incredibly lucky. Naruto is alive and well, humanity is still there, doing their own mistakes, messing things up, and fixing some other things. As they should. The world has not ended.

Reconstruction begins and takes over all the energies from everyone. People try to heal. Some get to do it, some others have it rougher. Some people never get over the war. Things are not easy.

Iruka’s exhausted, he’s been for months. The pace of work doesn’t seem to go down. Their new Rokudaime Hokage can be a slave driver. His laziness was the most fake of façades. Apparently he had them all fooled for years. Well, Iruka knew Kakashi was everything but lazy in matters related to his shinobi duty. Now, he’s extended that to his Hokage position. 

⁂

It’s weird having Kakashi as Hokage. It’s weirder still when Iruka is summoned one day to the Hokage tower for a meeting with him. Iruka’s more curious than anxious. It’s the first time they’ll be in the same room since the war.

When walking to the door of the Hokage office, like so many other times through the years, Iruka reflects on how this is one of those little gestures that make him feel grounded. Feel that Konoha is his home, an important part of who he is. It would’ve been terrible if the Hokage tower would've been blown away in the war. But it wasn’t. And even if it was, they would've built a new one. Not the same one, but the same in meaning. 

This building is the symbol and the heart of Konoha. It adds to Iruka’s love of the tower that the Academy is joined into the same building. Iruka doesn’t know if it was done on purpose or it was just urban planning optimization, but to Iruka it symbolizes what he wants Konoha to be. 

The ANBU by the heavy door opens it with a nod to Iruka. He feels a shiver run through his spine, like every time he’s near an ANBU. He returns the nod and enters the room, stopping in front of the main desk and bowing in respect.

Kakashi sits in the Hokage chair. Which was Tsunade’s chair and before that Sandaime’s chair. Iruka’s memory doesn’t go beyond that, but he is very aware of who sat there before. Now, he’ll have to change his mind again to think of it as Kakashi’s chair. It will be a complicated exercise, Iruka thinks, amused. 

“Thank you for coming, Iruka-sensei,” Shikamaru greets him. He’s standing by Kakashi’s side. 

Kakashi is flanked by piles of documents, his laptop, some scrolls, letters, and other assorted stationery. ‘That can’t be comfortable,’ Iruka thinks, and his memory brings back a scene many years ago in the Academy yard, in a time when he still didn’t know the sound of Kakashi’s voice.

‘It’s so strange to see both his eyes,’ Iruka thinks. Apart from that and the different flak jackets they all are wearing, Kakashi looks the same as always. Distant, controlled, disinterested.

Kakashi greets him and goes straight to the point. “Iruka-sensei. As you might know, we’re making some changes to some of Konoha’s more closed institutions and their positions.”

That’s an understatement. Iruka heard some of the elders ranting about those changes. Iruka mostly approves them. It was about time some fresh air got into those rancid places.

“We are offering you the position of shinobi academy principal. The conditions are in this scroll. Please, think about it and give us an answer whenever you are ready.”

Iruka freezes, he would’ve never expected something like this. He finally reacts, flustered. He takes the scroll and can’t help fidgeting with it. 

“Oh, this is… Unexpected. I mean, thank you. It’s a big honor, but, well, there surely must be someone with more… Qualifications for the position.”

“I’m sure you have all the required qualifications, sensei. I trust you to do an excellent work. I know the students are your primary concern and that you have a strong sense of justice and want to improve things. I’m sure you have already some ideas coming up to life in your head.”

In fact, yes, Iruka’s already thinking about some of those changes he’s been wanting to do for ages. He realizes that he really wants this job. And probably he's the best person for it.

“Don’t say anything now. Go home, think about it and take your decision.” 

Kakashi dismisses him with one of his eye-smiles.

⁂

Iruka accepts the position, of course, and his daily schedule somehow gets even more crammed. But it’s worth it. As the first difficult months pass, he starts to get the rhythm of it and he can see some of his improvements taking form and giving their fruits. He thinks he’s doing a good job.

The position requires him to have frequent debriefing meetings with the Hokage himself. This is a part of his job that he enjoys very much, to be fair. He’s always enjoyed conversations with Kakashi.

⁂

After one of those meetings Shikamaru can’t help it.

“I still don’t get why you insist on going through the academy reports personally. Especially knowing how little you like this kind of stuff.”

“Maa, Shikamaru-kun, mind your own business. Let the grown-ups have our fun.”

“Your definition of fun is off. You could always meet Iruka-sensei out of work, you know? Go eat something or have some drinks.”

“Hm.”

“Whatever. But think about it. He seems to enjoy your company. Must be a _kekkei genkai_ or something.”

“Thanks for your concern about my social life, I’ll give it the consideration it deserves.”

Shikamaru didn’t expect Kakashi to take him seriously anyway. But sometimes he likes teasing the Rokudaime.

⁂

Next time it’s Cat, materializing himself from Kakashi’s office wall after Iruka leaves.

“It’s good to see you two together again, senpai.”

“What are you talking about? We are not together.”

“Aren’t you? Well, I remember when you were. Don’t you remember, senpai?”

“It’s been twenty years. We were different people back then.”

“Now no regulations would be in your way.”

“Leave me alone, Tenzou.”

“As you command, Hokage-sama.”

Kakashi refuses to ask him again to drop the ‘sama’. He knows he uses it when he wants to annoy him.

⁂

The last straw is when Gai also joins Iruka’s fan club one afternoon when Kakashi and him are enjoying some good tea and conversation in Gai’s backyard.

“I’ve heard the wonderful Iruka-sensei is doing a terrific work at the academy and Konoha’s archives.”

“You too, Gai? Are you all trying to make me crazy?” Kakashi mocks a hurt expression.

“I don’t understand. Has someone tried to disturb you?”

“No, it’s okay. It’s just that lately everyone seems to think that Iruka-sensei and I are dating.”

“Interesting. And are you?”

“No, we’re not.”

“Oh.”

They drink their tea peacefully. Kakashi feels like talking today. He’s been thinking a lot about Iruka these days.

“But we were. Many years ago.”

“Oh!” Gai’s eyes sparkle. “After all these years, you never fail to surprise me, rival. I thought you never allowed yourself the joy of sharing your life with anyone!”

“There was not much sharing, I’m afraid. It’s one of the reasons why it ended. I was in ANBU at the time. My mind and my will were mostly in other places.”

“So, you parted ways like star-crossed lovers never allowed to be together for the sake of Konoha? Kakashi, that’s so romantic and tragic!” Gai starts bawling his eyes out. Kakashi rolls his eyes.

“Gai, please, it was nothing like that. We just tried and it didn’t work, so we said goodbye and went on with our lives. Life’s not like Icha-Icha, you are aware of that, aren’t you?”

“So, it didn’t mean anything to you?”

Kakashi thinks his answer and smiles under his mask.

“Of course, it meant something. I’ve always wondered…”

He doesn’t finish the sentence. Two ANBU pop up by his side with a small fuss of smoke and tree leaves. An urgent matter requires him to go to the Hokage tower. He leaves this conversation for another moment.

⁂

The next time Iruka and Kakashi meet, Kakashi asks Iruka to go have some drinks with him and Iruka accepts, thinking that it would be nice to spend some time together again.

So, it becomes a habit. They meet less for the boring academy report reviews and more for drinks and dinner, having some pleasant conversations and relaxing after their stressful days. People start talking for good, but they don’t care. This is no one’s business after all.

⁂

They get a bit drunk one night in a cozy restaurant booth, and Iruka decides to ask the question he has been avoiding all those years.

“Kakashi, why didn’t you come looking for me when you left ANBU?”

Kakashi looks away from Iruka’s eyes, cursing Iruka’s penchant for getting him off-guard with his touchy questions.

“I can’t give you that answer, Iruka.”

“I think I have the right to know.”

“Don’t ask me that. I don’t really know it myself.”

Iruka’s heart is racing. He struggles to contain his agitation.

“Well, you should think about it. Because it’s been a long time since then, and I think we are better people now. Big people. And I think I might want to… Want to…” 

Kakashi looks at Iruka again. He’s flushed, his eyes are bright. It's breathtaking.

Iruka closes the distance between them and kisses him through the mask.

“I can’t believe I have to suck this stupid mask again,” Iruka laughs. He closes his eyes, moves the mask apart and kisses Kakashi a second time, like he did half a lifetime ago.

It’s a good kiss. It brings back many things they thought they had forgotten.

“Let’s go home,” Kakashi pants, and Iruka nods with enthusiasm, eyes still closed. Kakashi hurriedly throws enough money for the dinner on the restaurant table and transports them both in a cloud of smoke into Iruka’s bedroom. He knows the coordinates by heart, has known them for years. It’s a good thing Iruka never moved to another building.

It’s been years since the last time any of them had sex with other people. They take their time and don’t hurry it. They’re not as young as they were. Their bodies have changed. They spend some time learning the new scars, wrinkles, all the changes. 

It’s as good as they remembered. Or perhaps better, because it’s real. They both have remembered so many past times together, that being together now is at the same time new and something they’ve known since forever. 

When they can’t go for another round, Kakashi stays the night.

⁂

The next morning Iruka wakes up first, before dawn. He silently gets out of the bed and goes to the kitchen.

Kakashi joins him a short time later. 

Iruka chuckles. “Of course, I couldn’t get up without waking you.”

“Can’t help it, too many missions.”

They share Iruka’s cup of cold, black coffee. It tastes awful.

Kakashi takes Iruka’s hand and forces himself to look into his eyes.

“You asked me why I didn’t look for you.”

Iruka’s gaze seems to burn him, the question in his eyes, the longing. Kakashi takes a deep breath. 

“I did. For a time, I was looking at you from afar, trying to gather the courage to get closer and talk to you.”

Kakashi makes a pause, looking for the words. This is excruciating, but he has to do it. As Iruka said, he has the right to know.

“You seemed happy. Happier than when we were together. I tend to make people unhappy. I thought you were better off without me.”

Iruka nods, absorbing Kakashi’s words. He’s holding back tears.

“I thought you moved on and didn’t want me anymore,” Iruka whispers.

“I wanted you. More than anything. I’ve always felt the hole you left. But all my life I’ve been very good at pushing aside what I wanted and moving on.”

There’s a heavy silence for some time.

“Looks like we both are idiots,” Iruka says. His tears start falling. But he’s laughing. He hugs Kakashi and laughs and cries for a while.

He finally lets Kakashi go and rubs the tears and snot out of his face. 

“What are we going to do now?” 

“Would you like to try again, Iruka?” Kakashi holds his breath. This is the moment he was fearing.

“I don’t love you anymore, Kakashi. I pulled you out of my life.”

“Ah,” Kakashi says, and he feels crushed.

Iruka shakes his head.

“Let me finish, you moron. I stopped loving you twenty years ago, but I want to love you again. As you are now, as we both are. We have changed. We’ll have to start from scratch, leave many things behind. Are you willing to do that, Kakashi?”

“Yes.” Kakashi feels lightheaded. He’s still taking in the whole situation. But he feels warm and hopeful.

For the first time since he was a small kid, he feels confident enough in front of another person to put his mask down and let it pool under his chin.

Iruka’s face reflects his own warm smile.

⁂

From that day on, all the well-meaning friends that try to annoy Kakashi teasing him about him dating Iruka-sensei get some graphic descriptions about the kind of things Iruka and Kakashi like to do together. They stop teasing, too embarrassed.

Some time before Kakashi hands over the Hokage hat to Naruto, he starts his own personal war to convince Iruka to pass the academy principal position to some poor unsuspecting senior teacher that would continue doing that important job. Iruka has done more than enough already. Kakashi’s persistence ends up with a victory and Iruka retires almost at the same time as Kakashi.

Kakashi’s last passed bill as Rokudaime consists of a reformed version of ANBU’s obsolete safety regulations, including the one about the restrictions on the operatives’ relationships. Iruka and Kakashi make a symbolic pyre in the trash bin with Kakashi’s old copy of the damned regulations before they leave for a weeklong trip to a nice onsen in the mountains.

They still have to decide what they’ll do with their lives when they come back, but whatever it is, they’ll do it together.

**Author's Note:**

> Prompts:  
> \- Second chance at first love (they reunite again after years apart, they were each other's first love).  
> \- ANBU Kakashi.  
> \- Hokage Kakashi.


End file.
